“There is a story, perhaps a myth.”
These are the first words of a story I’ve been invited to read at a Christmas Eve service tonight.
It’s a good beginning. Read one way, they could be saying this story isn’t true. Read another, they could be saying this story is a path toward a deeper form of truth, perhaps the deepest, that we’re about to hear a story that will show us how everything is connected.
Which way did you first read it? The first time I read it I heard number two. It took me a couple of times for me to even register that some people might read the word myth as fantasy, something to be dismissed because it’s not part of the “real” world.
After these last 13 days of journeying through the Red Skywalker Wavespell, I think they are both true, and they are both not true. It depends on the me that is reading the words.
How can something be both true or not true? That I can answer easily. It’s what happens when you are seeing with the mind’s eye and not the heart’s.
That has been the big revelation for me through consciously journeying through Red Skywalker. I also realized I started the Crystal Court, my latest project here on Substack, with my mind, not my heart. My intention was noble— to offer a space for people to explore time through a calendar more aligned with natural cycles than the Gregorian, but just the exhausting at writing that last sentence shows me how much performance there is for me in this project. It’s not coming from my heart.
I could explain why it’s not, but that’s my old pattern of explaining myself, trying to make you love me, which also turns on me and has me trying to understand everyone else’s behavior that hurts me, instead of just feeling the pain and moving on. So no explanations, just a simple apology if you were really excited about the Crystal Court, because it’s not going to continue here on the Corpus Callosum Chronicles. Now that I have a Zoom account, perhaps we can connect there in some other way. I’m open to suggestions.
The mind is a wonder, truly. It is not our enemy, but I don’t want to offer you more distraction in this chaotic world. I want to offer you my heart.
It’s not easy to abandon a project. People aren’t supposed to change their minds. “You gotta stick with it to be succesful,” the voices say. For me, shame writhes its way into my mind like a black worm. All the stories about not being financially successful because I can’t be consistent get ever louder, obliterating the simple rise and fall of my lungs and the beating heart that powers them. You have one, too. Can you hear it?
But how are you going to be successful if you don’t stick to deadlines? Let’s just stop right now. Think about it: deadline. Who came up with that word? It had to be someone way up at the top of the economic food chain, pressuring everyone down below to perform.
Consistency is important. When the heart stops beating, the body dies.
I don’t need a deadline to be consistent. I need a life-line—not one that will save me from drowning, but the one winding through the palm of my hand like a many-branched river. And what does this line say? The way isn’t straight. I may wish it was, but when I create under that pretense, it’s a performance.
The truth is I am consistent. As long as I can remember, I have been consistent in my love for the word and in my dedication to the craft of writing. I have also been consistent in my pursuit of truth, which has led me to this final doorway of telling my mind it’s been a wonderful pilot, but it’s time to retire now.
In Japan, there’s an art form called kintsugi, where broken objects are repaired with gold. Imperfections aren’t hidden. Embraced, they become something more beautiful and valuable.
I am grateful for my mind. It’s been an incredible tool that’s helped me titrate heartbreak and boundary violations that settled into my flesh and bones. My mind has helped hold me together as I healed from trauma. But I am strong now. My cracks glow.
This time, I will not stay stuck in the same circle by repeating the pattern or relying on my intellect to produce something on a deadline. I don’t want to waste your time or mine. Ironic, since this revelation came from a project that started as a new way to experience time. Prophecy fulfilled.
I am offering you a life-line. My heart, expanding in ever-widening circles. I don’t know yet what I will find there, or how long the circuit will last. In this world of duality, the mind isn’t going away, but I will slow down and use mine to move as close to the truth as I can with courage.
No more deadlines. I am offering you a life-line.
The Calendar of Stones
The yellow stone says arise.
The red stone says awaken.
The black stone says forget.
The white stone says remember.
The green stone says have faith.
Kō aloha lā ea
Concentrate on love by way of the light
Jennifer thank you for bravely putting down this project and honestly sharing your truth. Your courage to be vulnerable demonstrates you are living your truth. I can find my truth in every word as you have spoken as it comes from your heart and higher self. This is the most difficult to explain yet can be felt by those who have also learned to speak from their heart.
So much of your sharing resonates that I know now we are tuning into the same frequency. The same channel, seeing with our minds eye, feeling with our higher heart and sensing with our whole glowing and knowing sentient being.
It feels like my spontaneous response has been inspired by your sharing and enabled me to share from my heart. My sense is this project has had a change of heart with a renewed intent and you still carry the seed. You are the container for something that as yet you are unable to articulate, it's never too late. So don't berate or hesitate, the spiral time will come around again, and that is when you will hold the expanded space again. That is when we will take our hearts, take flight and unite to create with one mind . With this many hearts insight you will then be able to curate, connect and narrate with your own unique grace so that others may resonate.
So keep it light, be open and play just for today, with love Deb
A beautiful Christmas gem… thank you.